


New Friends

by Yogurt_Tea



Category: A Hat in Time (Video Game)
Genre: Character Study, Conductor is not amused, Gen, Reluctant Friendships, Snatcher tries to make more people sign contracts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:40:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24417502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yogurt_Tea/pseuds/Yogurt_Tea
Summary: Snatcher is a lonely guy.Hat kid is certain of it. It’s not obvious, but it just HAS to be underlying all the layers of mean guy! And since she has a legal contract saying she’ll be his best friend, she needs to help him out!Unfortunately for all of Hat kid’s friends, she underestimates how much of a dick Snatcher can be.
Relationships: DJ Grooves & Snatcher (A Hat in Time), Hat Kid & Snatcher (A Hat in Time), The Conductor & Snatcher (A Hat in Time)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 71





	New Friends

“Ay lassie? How much longer do ya’ reckon this is gonna take? I’ve got a whole movie to finish editing by the end o’ the month.” The Conductor is following closely behind Hat kid, his feathers slightly ruffled by the deep chill he felt being in the depths of Subcon forest.

Hat kid skips along the dirt-beaten path, seemingly undisturbed by the nooses hanging on the bare trees or the graves lining the path, “I just want to introduce you to a friend. He’s a bit lonely and needs to hang around someone full of energy!” she briefly turns around to shoot the Conductor a reassuring grin.

“Ain’t he got you? Yer practically jumping off the walls.”

Hat kid slows her skip down to walk alongside the Conductor, “I’m only coming back for a visit. I’m still busy collecting time pieces, and I want to make sure he has a friend when I leave.” She cups a hand around her mouth and lowers her voice to a conspirative whisper, “He has problems making friends because he’s a soon-deh-rey.”

The Conductor doesn’t know what ‘soon-deh-rey’ means, but it doesn’t sound like a good thing.

He huffs, slightly annoyed, “If he’s living in a place like this, ‘e definitely has some issues.”

Hat kid gasps, smacking him lightly on the arm, “You haven’t met him yet! You can’t say mean things like that!”

“And ‘ow long until I meet this troublemaker? We’ve been walking for ages, lassie. An’ yet all I see is dead forest.”

Hat kid grins, and points to a tall tree in the distance, “It’s that biiig tree in the distance! The one with a mushroom growing out at the top.” Hat kid kicks a rock in the path, “And if we’re unlucky, we might be able to meet him sooner!”

“Unlucky? Why would that be unlucky lassie?” He certainly wants to get this done and over with. This wasn’t what he had in mind when Hat kid said she wanted the Conductor to meet a friend of hers. He thought she was talking about another child, by how she talked about them.

Hat kid smiles sheepishly, “If we met him sooner, he’d probably force you to sign a contract.”

The Conductor turns to look at her, surprised, “Eh? A contract ye say? Whatever for?”

“It’s kind’ve his thing. But don’t worry! It’ll be okay as long as you don’t step in any traps.”

This set off multiple alarm bells in his head, “Traps? There’s traps in this forest?!” Is that why there’s almost nobody in sight?

“Pshhhh, don’t worry, I can spot the traps a mile away. As long as you have me as a guide, you’re perfectly safe!”

He really didn’t want to be here anymore. To know some of his underlying fear was justified did nothing for his already unsettled spirit. He’d rather not raise his blood pressure screaming at some no good ghost or undead creature.

“Yeh have some strange friends.” he managed to mutter. He would never voice his actual concern, not when the literal child was completely unaffected by the forest’s heavy atmosphere. That would be embarrassing.

Hat kid pouts, “He’s weird, but I don’t think anyone on this planet is normal.”

“An’ what exactly is that supposed to mean?”

“Oh! We’re almost there!” Hat kid avoids the question by pointing directly ahead to the base of the mushroom tree. There’s a small cozy little room carved out of the tree, surrounded by a swamp. Hat kid runs up ahead, crawling on top of the thorny vine extending from the tree over the swamp.

Boy does he wish he still had that much energy.

The Conductor just managed to balance himself on the vine when Hat kid pops back out, of the house, her expression glum, “He’s not home...”

An alarming thought occurs to the Conductor, “Didn’t you tell yer friend that we’d be dropping by?”

“No? But he’s always in here! Unless he’s hiding from me...” Her pout disappears as her expression alights, “I’m going to ask the Subcon dwellers! Stay right here!” In a split second, her scooter pops into existence and she’s already atop it, driving away.

“Wait! Lassie yeh can’t leave me here!” He wobbles for a moment, and then completely loses balance, falling into the pool of water surrounding the tree. He snaps his head up to call again to Hat kid, but it’s already too late, she long gone.

The Conductor sighs, crossing his arms. Just great. Now he’s all drenched, cold and all alone in the depths of this forest. This wasn’t how he was planning on spending his day. Maybe it would be faster for Hat kid to go alone on her scooter, but peck it! He didn’t want to wait here alone! The entire reason he came all the way out here was because he felt bad about using Hat kid to win the award.. After the whole Award 42 incident, it opened his eyes as to how awful both DJ Grooves and himself had been to the poor girl. He didn’t tell any of this to Hat kid of course. Out loud he said he would come because he wanted inspiration for a new movie.

But that his brain to another thought. Why wasn’t she the slightest bit unnerved by this place? Is this type of thing normal for the poor lass? He certainly hopes not. It makes him feel all the more guilty for winding her up in his movie shenanigans. The lass obviously needed something a bit more peaceful and relaxing. The opposite of this forest is.

As he thinks this an icy gust rips through the area, chilling him in more ways than one. He draws his arms closer to himself huffing. He can’t stand here all pecking day! Even if he had all the time in the world, he’d freeze to death standing here! His eyes lock onto the sight of the cozy looking room. The lassie said this was her friend’s home, but by the sound of things, this friend of hers wasn’t even aware they were dropping by. He shivers as another wind gusts by. Surely they wouldn’t mind if he sat down in a corner until he dried off? He’s not going to last much longer at this rate.

Already having made up his mind, the Conductor scrambles up the vine to the house, anxious to get out of the bone-chilling wind. He plops himself down onto the footstool next to the large armchair. He sighs and lies down on his side. He curls himself up until he’s comfortable. If he’s going to wait while miserably soaked, he might as well make himself at home. Despite the large gaping holes in the home, none of the cold air seeps in.

He finds himself sinking into the plush cushions. It may be the emotional exhaustion and the hike leading up to the present, but he finds his mind slowly wandering off to sleep. He was almost completely asleep when he hears a distinct click sound.

He startles immediately, blinking himself back awake, “Who’z there!?” he squawks. When he regains his sight, he sees nothing but darkness. Not a room, but inky blackness. A new panic fills him. He struggles blindly, and promptly falling off of the soft elevated platform onto a cold hard surface. Something in his back cracks painfully.

When he blinks again, this time he sees the dim light streaming inside the room. He groans as his vision readjusts. He spots the familiar large chair and the gaping hole in the side of the room, revealing the same room he fell asleep in. Someone just turned off the lights in the room, he rationalizes. He isn’t spiraling into blackness or in any mortal peril. He quickly stands up, dusting himself off. He swears softly, trying to push down the embarrassment from the humiliating display.

He expects to hear snickering or some teasing coming from Hat kid, but he doesn’t hear any. Just his luck, it was probably the resident of the house in here now. What a first impression he must be making. Unwillingly, he slowly turns around.

The room is empty.

The Conductor does a full 360°, not quite believing his eyes. The lights flicker back on

A rational explanation finds it’s way to the unnerved Conductor, “Lousy peck neck’s finicky electric-work gave me a near heart attack.” he grumbles.

The lights flicker off again, but the Conductor only huffs. He’s not that much of a coward to start screaming over lights, he was just startled awake is all. He sits himself back on the small, now slightly damp, cushion. As odd as it felt sitting alert in a dark room, he would much rather be found awake intruding someone’s home, than helplessly asleep.

How much longer will the lassie be? Even though it’s only been a few minutes, the Conductor finds himself growing increasingly impatient. He doesn’t have all day to squander with this ridiculous business.

Suddenly, the room is bathed in a purple light. The Conductor freezes, confused. What’s happening!?

He hears a child’s laugh coming from outside the home.

“Lassie? Is that you?” The laughter grows quieter. The Conductor gets off the cushion and cautiously makes his way toward the entrance of the house. Now that he’s listening for it, the laughter sounds a bit uneven, and more like crying.

Alarmed, he starts making his way towards the noise. As a grandpa, he was well aware a child crying always meant something needed fixing. And if a strong girl like the lass was crying? Something was definitely wrong. He needed to get over there immediately.

Without too much thought into it, the Conductor scrambles out of the mushroom house, across the the plant bridge and sprints toward the sounds of sobbing. Anger swells up in the Conductor. What was the lassie thinking, running off alone in this treacherous forest!? Anything could go wrong in a haunted place like this.

The sounds of sobbing is getting louder as he gets closer. His shoes make loud sloshing noises with each hasty step. He gets close enough to finally pinpoint the source of the crying behind the tree right around the bend. Without a second thought, he turns the corner, coming face to face with a figure shaped like the lassie curled up into a ball sniveling... except all her skin and clothes were inky black.

While instinct screamed at the Conductor to run away, his paternal instinct was already kicked in high gear, easily winning between the two. He rushes over to her, “Lassie!? What happened to yeh!?”

He’s reaches out to touch her. As soon as he touches her, her hand shoots out to grab his wrist. He hears it laugh lowly. The girl finally lifts her head to look at him. Her face is replaced by ghastly glowing yellow circles for eyes and a wicked grin with the same inhumane yellow glow.

Suddenly the Conductor finds himself falling into complete blackness. The creature who was holding his wrist dissipates into the darkness around him. The glowing face only grows in the darkness. As it grows the laughter swells to a deafening roar.

**_“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”_ **

The Conductor fall stops abruptly as he slams into the ground.

**_"FOOOOOOOOOOOL!!”_ **

The Conductor groans, his back twinges in pain for the second time that day. He is undoubtedly going to be sore for the next few days. He starts getting up, but the ground turns shimmery and purple beneath his hands. He’s on his knees when he realizes the whole area around him is alight with fire. He scrambles up to his feet in frenzy, trying to get his bearings.

“Who’s there!? Show yer face ya coward!” His already ruffled feathers automatically puff up completely in mock intimidation. It has the opposite effect, making him look utterly ridiculous contrasted with his neat uniform.

The laughing yellow face pulls away from the background, slowly revealing an enormous specter floating among the flames.

“You blew it! You totally screwed yourself! Nobody enters my home and leaves in one piece!”

Most people find it impossible to shut up the Conductor. Even in this scenario, ruffled and tired, the Conductor stands straight up, fuming. He doesn’t shut up for anybody, and this gooey, pumpkin-faced, legless ghost is no exception.

“What the fresh rotten hell do you think you’re doing!? I’m on a tight schedule and I don’t ‘ave time for your shenanigans! What would ya have done if I threw out me back?”

“Threw out your...” The ghost pauses, clearly unused to dealing with this kind of character. He clears his throat and quickly resumes back to his confident self, “I don’t think you fully understand your situation. You trespassed into **_my_** territory, and now you have to pay the price for it.”

“I wasn’t trespassing!” He screeches. Snatcher winces at his loud voice, “I came here to visit a friend of the lassie’s. I’ll have ya know that I’m nay a director ya want to mess with! If ya know what’s good for ya, yer gonna back off right NOW!”

The ghost bristles slightly, “Of every creature that’s stumbled into my domain, you are certainly themost thick-skulled one I’ve ever encountered.”

The Conductor huffs in response, crossing his arms and turning away from the ghost.

“May I go me merry way now? I promised the lassie I’d meet ‘er friend.”

Snatcher narrows his eyes, “This ‘lassie’ you keep mentioning... she wouldn’t happen to wear a top hat and cape, would she?”

“Aye, that’s her.”

“Ah yes. The kid.” Snatcher grimaces, “That kid has been a persistent thorn in my side for quite some time now. You really shouldn’t listen to that brat. She’s legally banned from entering this forest.”

The Conductor scoffs, “What, yer tellin’ me you can’t stop a single girl from entering yer forest?”

Snatcher scowls, only confirming the Conductor’s suspicions, “Tell you what, I’m in an generous mood. Why not sign a contract and keep your pitiful life?” As he speaks, a curled piece of paper appears mid-air amidst the flames,

“What’s this?”

“It’s a contract. Go on, read the conditions and sign whenever you’re ready.”

The Conductor doesn’t bother to read it, he takes it between his hands and tears it in half, “I ain’t signing anything of yers!” He stomps angrily on the ground

Snatcher’s eye twitches, “You are **_really_** testing my patience. I don’t think you want to see what happens when I get angry.” A new contract magically appears in place of the old one, “If you don’t read it, I’ll tear the soul out of your body where you stand—contract or no— and leave your body for the maggots and the worms.” he hisses.

“Fine!” He screeches in return, snatching the paper from mid-air. He can feel his own blood boiling at Snatcher’s arrogance.

The Conductor’s eyes scan over the conditions of the contract. Essentially, he kills Hat kid and gives up his soul for Snatcher. In return he gets to not die.

“You can be on your way once you sign this contract and relinquish your soul to me!”

The Conductor throws the contract on the ground, beyond furious now, “I AIN’T SIGNING IT!” He stomps on it angrily to further his point. Papers fly out of his pocket from the force of it, but he continues his tantrum.

Snatcher’s eyes are glowing dangerously, “I warned you of the consequences, and _yet_ —” The Snatcher eyes catch on something, making him hesitate.

_“Oh no.”_

“Snatcher!”

Even in purple vortex, the lassie’s voice comes straight through as if she’s standing only a few meters away.

The ghost holds his face in his hands, groaning, “She’s back? Of course she’s back. Just my luck.” With a snap of his fingers, the scenery swirls around them and returns back to how it was before. The odd haze and the thorns now gone, along with the local ghost.

Suddenly, Hat kid is at his side. Her small hands clutch the side of his sleeve, “Did you sign a contract? What do you have to do? It’s not related to the scary lady’s mansion, right?” Her cheeks are puffed, clearly upset. It’s probably the closest to furious the Conductor has ever seen.

“Calm down there lassie! I gave ‘im the whole one, two and he went an’ scampered away! Nothin’ I can’t handle!”

Hat kid doesn’t look reassured in the slightest, her brows still furrowed in concern, “So you didn’t sign a contract?”

“Why the peck would I sign some rude purple noodle’s contracts?”

Hat Kid sighs in relief, “Okay, that’s good. I didn’t want to have to yell at him for being mean again.” She starts walking again, this time latched onto the Conductor’s arm, as if he’d disappear again if she let go.

They’re climbing up the hill when the Conductor realizes they’re walking out of the forest, and back to towards the studio. That’s when it hits the Conductor.

“Lassie, ye don’t mean to tell me this friend of yours is that no good peck neck?”

Hat Kid laughs nervously, “Um... and if I said yes...?”

The Conductor groans,

“Ye’ve got to be kidding me.”

**Author's Note:**

> For those of you wondering, yes, Snatcher did in fact mess with the Conductor when he was in Snatcher's house.


End file.
